Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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