No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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