Will you blow on my dice?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
