It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
