we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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