im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
