last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
