Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
