I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
