I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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