are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dick very happy bro
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
