Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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