Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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