A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We had to coat check the pizza.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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