I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
