Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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