the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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