you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
