He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
