she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
