bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
