Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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