New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
