you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
