id be glad to
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
