he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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