he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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