so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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