mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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