the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
