your thong is hanging out like whoa
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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