Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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