my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Houston, we have a blender
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
