why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
