We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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