can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
