is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
