no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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