So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
