im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize