Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
