note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
accomplished twins. life is a go
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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