I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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