Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
