nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
