Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
