He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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