Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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