she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
