News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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