i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
being pregnant is like rehab
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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