im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
