and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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