Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
